Welcome back to the Koi Wellness blog! I’m Aya Porté, your occupational therapist (OT), here to support families in understanding and nurturing their children’s unique needs. One of the most painful things I hear from parents is when they describe their child as “spoiled” or “difficult.”

Statements like:

“Our child is just spoiled. When they want something, they will do it.”
“It’s our fault—they’re like this because we overindulged them.”
“They’re choosing to be this difficult.”

These comments break my heart because, even without meeting the family, I know this likely isn’t the full story. As someone who was once labeled stubborn and difficult myself, I understand how behaviors can be misunderstood. Looking back, my own reactions were often responses to feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or needing control in situations where I felt unsafe or uncomfortable.

Dr. Ross Greene says it best: “Children do well if they can.” I believe this is true for all children. Let’s explore how we can better understand the difference between being “spoiled” and being sensory-driven—and why this distinction matters.

Spoiled Child vs. Sensory-Driven Child: What’s the Difference?

Spoiled Child:

A child may be labeled as spoiled when they frequently act entitled, struggle with boundaries, or have difficulty handling disappointment. This behavior often stems from being overindulged—whether through material items, attention, or inconsistent discipline—and not being held accountable for their actions.

Sensory-Driven Child:

A sensory-driven child reacts to the world based on how their nervous system processes sensory input. Their behaviors are often ways of self-regulating to feel safe and balanced.

Sensory-Seeking: Constant movement, touching everything, making loud noises.
Sensory-Avoiding: Covering ears, avoiding certain textures, withdrawing from loud or crowded places.

These responses aren’t about defiance or manipulation—they are about managing overwhelming sensory experiences.

Key Differences Between Spoiled and Sensory-Driven Behaviors

Real-Life Examples: Spoiled or Sensory?

Tantrum in a Store

Spoiled Response: Throws a tantrum at a toy store because they didn’t get the toy they wanted.
Sensory Response: Melts down at a toy store due to overwhelming lights, sounds, and crowds.

Difficulty Sitting Still at Dinner

Spoiled Response: Refuses to sit because they want to watch TV or play instead.
Sensory Response: Can’t stay seated because their body craves movement (vestibular input).

How to Respond to These Behaviors

For a Spoiled Child:

Set consistent, clear boundaries.
Teach delayed gratification and self-control.
Model and reinforce respectful communication.

For a Sensory-Driven Child:

Identify sensory triggers (noise, lights, textures).
Offer sensory tools (noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys).
Create calming, supportive environments.

Reframing “Behavior” as Communication

The word “behavior” often carries judgment. But behavior is a form of communication. Instead of asking, “Why are they acting like this?” try asking:

“What is my child struggling to communicate?”
“What need isn’t being met right now?”

By shifting our perspective, we can better understand the underlying triggers and support our children more compassionately.

Final Thoughts: Understanding Over Labeling

Every child is unique, and their behaviors are clues—not problems to fix. Whether your child is reacting to sensory input or testing boundaries, the goal isn’t to label their behavior but to understand it.

Let’s move beyond labels like “spoiled” or “difficult” and instead ask, “What does my child need right now, and how can I help them thrive?”

If you’re unsure how to interpret your child’s behaviors or need support navigating sensory challenges, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to create a supportive environment that nurtures your child’s growth.

📞 Ready to learn more? Schedule a call with me today or connect on LinkedIn, Instagram, or Facebook.

Let’s continue fostering understanding, compassion, and growth for every child.

Is My Child Spoiled 🍭 or Sensory-Driven? The Roots